With the recession, divorce rates are expected to increase. However, divorces don’t come for free and with the recession you are probably a little strapped for cash, even if you can afford the essentials a divorce probably isn’t incorporated into your monthly budget. You’ve then got the added worry of how you’re going to manage on just one salary, even more of a worry if you have children to think of.

In order to minimise the financial strain, on both your parts, it is necessary to take a few steps to ensure that you don’t end up bankrupt. Make sure that you know what benefits you’re entitled to, especially if you’re now a single mother. If you’re going to have to pay maintenance for your children then make sure that you account for it each month so that you don’t overspend in other areas. Also, if you’re going to have to move out of your home then it would be wise to figure out what money you need to finance this, deposits for either buying or renting a new place etc.

Start doing this when you’ve made the decision to get a divorce, so that it doesn’t make such a hole in your wallet when the time comes to fork out a load of money. If you are lucky enough to remain on good terms with each other then hopefully you’ll be able to split your assets fairly, so that one doesn’t get left with useless items and the other with all the furniture/crockery etc. This way you help each other to minimise your costs after to the divorce.

At some point in our lives all of us have experienced that empty sensation that is inevitably associated with the cease of any relationship, be it treasured or not. No separation is ever easy, let alone a divorce. Whether it’s been a long time coming or is a sudden reality, nobody is ever really prepared for what a divorce process actually entails.

Divorce papers, separation rights, economical issues, the kids, there seems to be a million and one reasons against filing for divorce and only one in favour. It’s this one reason in particular, however, that should help us to pursue life after divorce. An unoccupied mind is a dangerous tool, it only allows us to reminisce and question which way we should turn, and therefore we should fill our empty hours with stimulating activities which boost our self esteem and open doors to new acquaintances and a meaningful future.

Voluntary work could be a valid option, time and economical situation permitting. Not only does it bring purpose to our lives, but it soaks up those empty hours, otherwise dedicated to an absent partner, whilst actively contributing to a worthy cause. Quality time is also a constructive activity, be it with your children or simply on your own. However quality time shouldn’t be confused with feeling sorry for yourself. Grieving knows no time boundaries, but life does. Don’t wish it away, recognise that it forms a valuable part of the learning process and will act as a shield in future relationships.

Never be afraid to move on, change does not mean failure and letting go often seems to be the key to peace and happiness.

If you have never been through a divorce then you may not be aware that a divorce can cause a great deal of emotional pain. For the spouse that suffers this pain, it will often be described as a deep and debilitating pain. It is hard for people that have never been through a divorce to believe what a real pain this is. Sometimes the pain of a divorce can last longer than the marriage did.

Some people will tell you that it feels like you are having a piece of yourself just ripped away. In the beginning you will feel as though it hurts to breathe.
Another reason it hurts so much is that most people who are going through divorce are dealing with so many losses all at the same time. You’re hurting for a broken relationship, of course, and often at the same time, you’re hurting because of that feeling of being betrayed by your spouse. Or maybe you feel betrayed by somebody in your spouse’s family or a friend who you shared in your relationship.

You can also hurt over the changes that occur in your life after a divorce. You might have to change things like what you can afford to buy, where you live, how you might spend your time, what you might want to plan in regards to your future and also how much time you can spend with your children. And while you are trying to deal with all of this you also have to deal with a whole new world such as judges, divorce lawyers or divorce solicitors and court dates.

People who are going through divorce sometimes feel like failures. They experience a sense of shame that is connected to the divorce. This does not mean that you are powerless to do anything to help you deal with the pain. You have many options in taking control if you want to take care of yourself and take control of things in your new life.

There are many sources that focus on helping people who are going through a divorce. Within your own community you can seek assistance from those which could include clergy, community professionals and even relatives and friends who are willing to listen and offer advice they may have. There’s no way to keep it from hurting. But the fact remains that we are stuck with the pain and it just hurts until we find a way to heal from it.

Many couples spend months, sometimes even years arguing over who gets what in their divorce settlements in the divorce courts. Their divorce lawyers make offers, only to have them rejected and counter offers made in their place. All the while the assets of the couple diminish further to a point where there’s very little left.

It’s like the new gameshow on ITV on weekday afternoons, Divided. The ideal of the gameshow is that three people who have never met answer questions as a team. They have to agree on the answer before choosing it, and the quicker they answer the more money they win. When they eventually decide that they’ve had enough and want to take the money in case they get too money wrong and lose everything, the money is ‘divided’ between them. Just like a divorce settlement though, it’s not divided equally. There can be over £100,000 split three ways, with the smallest amount being less than £10,000. Nobody wants to take the smallest sum, so they argue. The more they argue, the more the money goes down, until they all agree who gets what.

If they argue for too long, the money disappears and they all walk away with nothing. Just like a divorce settlement. You may not want your ex to have certain items, or a certain amount of money, but you should see the bigger picture. The longer you contest the settlement, the less you will have at the end of it.

How many people can honestly say that are friends with any of their ex girlfriends or boyfriends? It’s not very often that when a relationship breaks down that couples stay friends, and it’s even less often that when a marriage breaks down that the couple stay friends afterwards.

Usually there has been a very good reason for the divorce, and this means that the couple don’t get on. As such, staying in touch afterwards is unlikely, and in many cases unwise if tempers run high between them.

However, when there are children involved staying on good terms with your ex is essential, not for your sake, or theirs, but for the children. Children need both parents in their life in order to grow and mature properly. Denying a child one of their parents in unfair on the child and on the parent. For this reason you should stay in touch and be civil to each other, especially when the children are in earshot.

You might not necessarily be friends as such, but so long as you can hold a conversation without insulting each other or digging up the past you should be able to live with regular contact.

You can now get two thousand pounds from the Government if you scrap your old car and buy a new one. Wouldn’t it be great if you could do the same with your old marriage? Everyone a winner!

Let’s be clear, neither the Government, nor anyone else, is going to give you two thousand pounds to get divorced, but, with the help of a divorce lawyer or solicitor, you could give it to yourself, metaphorically speaking.

Your marriage has run its course and you need to move on, but there is a divorce to negotiate. Despite the heartache and the rights and wrongs for each party, it is best to try to keep it business-like and efficient so that you obtain your ‘two thousand pounds’ worth. Be realistic though, each of you cannot drive away in a brand new Ferrari, unless you had two to start with! Do you want to be more like Madonna & Guy than Paul & Heather?

You can, however, get a ‘brand new Ferrari’ if you develop a positive, professional approach to your divorce. Determine to free yourself from the bad old ways and habits. Be generous and fair, minimising the unhappiness to yourself and your family. You may be using a solicitor for the first time, and be unfamiliar with the process. If you look upon it as learning something new rather than a horrible experience, you will cope much better.

Leave the old car with all its old memories in the scrap-yard and drive away in a new frame of mind, determined to put your hard-earned ‘two thousand pounds’ to good use.

While marriage is all about sharing and spending time with the person you love, it’s also about allowing your partner to spend some time on their own with their friends. This is why it’s important for married couples to allow their respective better halves to go out without them while they stay home and mind the children.

In many marriages however this all too often one sided, with the wife staying home babysitting while the husband goes out for a drink or twenty with his friends. This selfish action on behalf of the husband can easily lead to resentment and subsequently divorce.

It’s important that both partners share the responsibility of staying in and looking after the children so they can both enjoy themselves. Perhaps a routine could be worked out where you decide in advance how many nights out you’re going to have without your other half each month? This will ensure that there’s no confusion as to who spends the most time with their friends, and who does the most babysitting.

Marriages that last are built on sharing and compromise, marriages that lead to divorce are all too often littered with selfish actions on behalf of one or both partners.

One of the most difficult things for divorced fathers to do is to find somewhere fun and interesting to take their children when they have access. You feel under a huge amount of pressure to entertain your children, to make them feel as though you are fun to be around, because you want them to come out again. The last thing you want is for your children to be bored, disinterested and to go home to their mother complaining that they don’t want to go out again.

So, some ideas for divorced dads on where to take their children are:

Cinema
This is a classic destination as the magic of the cinema will do a lot of the work for you. You can treat them to ice cream and popcorn and let Disney entertain them for two hours while you think of things to do afterwards.

Park
All children love the park, though you want to make sure you pick a good one, one with the right sort of toys for their age group, and you should try to pick one that they haven’t been to before with their mother, or with you before the divorce.

Grandparents
This isn’t for everyone, but most children love their grandparents and the chances are they won’t have seen much of them since the divorce. This will give you a chance to see how your children react among your family members and to remind them that you have family too.

Getting divorced is very stressful, there’s no denying that. However no matter how much stress you are under, and how much animosity you may have towards your soon to be ex, it doesn’t pay to show it, especially in front of the children.

Children are very sensitive and can pick up on very subtle gestures and comments from you and your partner. With this in mind, if you spend all day screaming and shouting at your spouse, your children will certainly pick up on that.

The most important thing is to keep your cool around your kids because you want them to see you as a nice person, someone they can speak to, rely on and have fun with. You don’t want to be seen as an ogre. An angry person who spends all of their time badmouthing the children’s other parent.

This is an important point. While it’s vital not to argue in front of your children, it’s just as vital not to badmouth your ex in front of them when you are alone together. Your children will love both parents, and to hear nasty comments from one parent’s lips about their other parent will only alienate them from you.

The breakdown of a marriage is always difficult to take for anyone, and it seems in the current climate that most people are running to their divorce lawyers as soon as any marriage gets tough. Is this necessarily the best option though, as there alternatives to getting divorced?

Here are some things married couples could try instead of divorce.

Mediation
Mediation has proved very popular in the business world and any area where two parties can’t agree on a compromise. It works for married couples too as the problems of the wife and the husband can be talked through and a compromise can often be found.

Trial separation
This is more extreme and involves one of the couple moving out of the matrimonial home for an agreed period of time. This could make both partners realise how much they miss each other and want to work through their problems, or it could make them realise that in fact they’re better off without each other and divorce is the next step.

Work it out yourself
It’s surprising how many couples don’t even try to work out their own problems. They’ll keep issues bottled up until they explode in an argument, and then it’s too late. Discuss your problems with your spouse; they may surprise you with their understanding.